School Days and College Days and Work Days and Gatal Days and Now Days

Another none productive day and I decided to post another blog rather then being sleepy and restless and sooner or later I might become Bananas.

Basically I feel like I am my own worst enemy when it comes to love and relationships.

I had several girlfriend before but not as personate as with my current girl friend (my wife to be ...yahoooooo)! There rest of my previous exs (axes) is not even close to her (my sweetheart)

Story from the pass....

Let start from the begining since my love one reqyested for me to update it

As far I can remember my fisrt oppsoite sex enquanter was during my kindergarden days. I can really rememebr her name but if I not mistaken her name was Annie or Nie. A sweet girl who been chasing me around the court yard everytime class on break. She will follow me everywhere. Goes really amke me unconfortable. Oh well it just end there. After I moved to primary school and after I move from MinDef to Kg Pandan we seems to lost contact.

While I was in Kg Pandan I get to know this mix malay / dutch girl. At this time I was between 7 to 9 years of age. Her name was Shina. We were closed and very close. Hey that was my first kiss to a girl. Being the shy my she the one who kiss me instaed of me kissing her. We been very close friend infact like a loving couple. Unseparatetable ha ha ha. Again our friendship end when she moved to Ampang. Occasionally we met when our parent visit each other but it just that.

Time pass without me having any "Girl Friend" till I was at form 1 plus. I got attarcted to my neighbour. In the past (School days and college days and what ever dunggu days), I've been knocked back by girls who I thought could find it within themselves to feel the same way about me as I did of them. I can think of a few separate examples of this, whereby these sweet young lady (hemm at that time she still girl la mangkok …probably still a virgin ka ka ka) have been close friend for more than 2 or 3 year's (Hi Husni…at that time we were at form 3 or 4 at that time...my neighbour), during which I myself built up an admiration or strong feeling for and each time I admitted the truth about her, she reacted badly and either cut me off or just plain didn't want me but ironically we still friend but the dunggu me always continue telling her the same thing. Nerver give uo and try again ka ka ka... Again our friendship end when her dad been posted to elsewhere.

Another example played out the same, (Hi …can’t remember your name…tuition time at Good Institute) however this girl just reacted badly and cut me off, one day we were some sort of great friends and the next - I couldn't get a word in. ya ya ya...Now I remembered her Name Hi Azlita from BBGS... I remember she got a nice pair of leg. Gosh it really beautiful.

While I was in secondary school during form 4 or 5 I get to know this two girl. Norfaztura and Norfazlina. We been very close. My of my she is sweet. A very fair Malay. Moxed blood between Malay/Chinese/Japan To be continue stay tune






From previous post
On another example is about this girl who I got on with extremely well (Hi Jennifer…my Stamford College thingy) and we had loads of laughs and general good times with. She was single and beautiful (for sure la single and beautiful…periuk la lu) and had a bit of a nerd within, beneath her 'cool and sweet' exterior. Well, when she discovered how I honestly felt about her (by word of mouth from one of my 'friends' bloody idiot Syed…), the response she gave was basically 'I couldn't, not after going out with my Ex who was extremely chraming but I'm not ready she said....and bla bla bla she continue, it would put me a few moody and embarrasses situation and thanks to you Syed “The Fat Albert'...oh well. Anyhow I was quick to see that she had issues with some guy who want to be with her. Ha ha ha…thanks god I never being with her…blessing blessing blessing




Those days when these things happen, I can't help but believe that I'm hopeless shy guy, why would they want me when they can have someone else? Given me sign but as what or just testing me and trying to make fun of me…FCUK them la...


Try as I might, this defeating seems to rear at my ugly head subconscious mind and give me the impression if have the bare-faced cheek to fall for someone again. It makes me shy in person and dialogueless (for years) but yet outspoken in action and meaningful gesture during working time (work is work la bro).


It makes me incredibly nervous to admit to any degree that I feel any way about someone, but I still try to break out of my own cage, tiny step by tiny step. By which I mean I would put a lot of thought, time and money into surprising my girlfriend on her birthday or other occasion, and pay constant consideration to them in every way I can think of whether they realise or not, yet I will still do it. Oh well that is me...small matters count ok.


Till that time and even now at present time I have come to realise that I have a huge self-confidence issue when it comes to women. I find it hard to believe that anyone would want to be with me, and I'd find it even harder to be comfortable in the glaring eyes of others if that ever became the case, as if I was somehow committing a major crime by being loved.


Believe it or not this also makes me quite timid and makes casual flirting nearly impossible unless with someone who's even more recluse than myself in that area. I feel like I don't stand out because I am far too cautious and careful about respecting the lady I care about most, that I don't act like a potential partner, but instead more like a friendly friend! I feel like what's going on in my head is completely different from what I can convey in my body language...

Beleive it or not flirtatious, provocative, sexy and spontaneous are all not in my vocabulary.......

Anyhow those were the days. Now I have found someone who I want to be with the rest of my life. It took me 43 years to finally found some who would be able to complete this love story of mine. If the is a miracle for sure mine already come true. If you believe love at first sight for sure hers already happened (and probably mine to …the only different is may be I don’t realize it). If there is the greatest love story none will ever as great as between me and her. If there is cupid for sure the love arrow has hit the right spot into our heart.


Thanks sweetheart

"Love is more than three words I mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by my action, a pattern of devotion in the things I do for each moment and each day.