WHY SHE LOVE TO HATE?

I FOUND IT REALLY BIZARRE AND STRANGE ABOUT THIS YOUNG WIFE MOTHER OF 3 CHILDREN. WHY SHE LOVE TO HATE WHILE HER RELIGION PREACH AND THOUGHT HER TO BE FORGIVE AND FORGIVEN.

LET FOCUS ON THE ISSUES SURROUNDING HER
1. IS IT BECAUSE SHE IS INSECURE AND A SPOILED BREED
2. IS IT BECAUSE SHE WANTED ATTENTION
3. IS IT BECAUSE HER ATTITUDE IT IS AT SUCH
4. IS IT BECAUSE HER UP BRINGING
5. IS IT BECAUSE HER SURROUNDING MAKE HER BECOME AS WHAT SHE IS NOW
6. IS IT BECAUSE SHE TRYING TO COVER HER HIDDEN WEAKNESS
7. IS IT BECAUSE SHE WITH A BLACK HATED HEART
8. IS IT BECAUSE SHE THINK SHE SUPER GREAT
9. IS IT BECAUSE OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS

I began to think, “how can a person having to disliked someone so much remain in a place without others really dare to challenge her?” Well, I think the reason she remains is that she reflects a perfectly spoiled middle class identity who she think she is always right.
Why don’t she approach and confront the person that she dislike or have discussion about it rather than bitching about it through social network or through other people, hey woman… since you always think you always right, why not be brave and confront others face to face
In her outburst she claimed that she was honest in admitting her mistake but after much investigating it just a false claim which she created in her own make believe fantasy. I guess she is an EMPTY VASSAL after all, because she only dares to bitch about it through other mean instead of sicking the truth by confronting that individual. What I know she has being forgiven by me and the individual she hate. May god bless her soul.

Love & Life

LOVE & LIFEThis story tells us something about LOVE & LIFE. My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce. "Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man who was not able to even express his predicament, so what else could I expect from him? And finally he asked me: "What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right... It's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question. If you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind. Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you do it for me?" He said: "I will give you your answer tomorrow.... " My hopes just sank by listening to his response. I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes.... My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but....please allow me to explain the reasons further..... This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading. "When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month. I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand...and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the colour of the glow on your young face... Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die ... " My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. .. and as I continue on reading... "Now, that you have finished reading my answer, and if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk... I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone... That's LIFE, and LOVE. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness. Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It could be the dullest and most boring form ... Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship.. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... AND THAT'S LIFE

My dying soul

Me is me but lately me is not me. I have a gorgeous girlfriend and few good friends but out of late I feel I’m very depressed. I don’t want to drink and get drunk because this is only a palliative solution and I have also promised my sweetheart that I’m going to slow down and eventually stop drinking.

Sometimes I’m a fool but it is because I’m disappointed. I want to leave this place. If I don’t have anyone that I want to be with, I have already made my move and relocated myself to somewhere else.

My sweetheart few days ago commented that I talk less then before. I don’t think I did but probably I do. May be because of my frustration, my subconscious mind have reacted toward it and make me become less talkative toward my sweetheart. (Sweetheart sorry I don’t mean too)

To the others, I just don’t know what to say because the things I wanted to say already been said. I don’t want to sound like a broken record if I keep on repeating the same thing over and over again.

Of late after that silly Michal Ong incident by this stupid OWH AM and I have been blame for it make me one thing for sure started hate talking to people (except my sweetheart) and to stranger because to me they are bothering me with their superficial things and the way they think.

I hope I able quickly get away to somewhere with my sweetheart
I hope in return someone else able to do the talking and for me to do the listening
I hope my heart beep slower and my soul be in peace

Appended below the memoir of my dying soul by Staindspikez

The warm sensation rushed from my body as my cover was ripped away from my skin. The flourish of the music pouring from the radio combined with the chants fleeing from my mother’s mouth swelled in my ears, sending that aggravating signal to the brain that it was time to wake up. My body managed to turn despite the complete lack of motion. I reached for the place that my cover had resided, finding nothing but my left leg. Screams of my name swept through my head, consuming the islands of sleep with tides of light that erupted from the outside world.

As I rejoined the world of the living, I found myself in landscape of ruins in my own room and my own house, and I did not c are. I looked up to my clock lingering above my head. The glowing, red 7:20 stared at me, giving me that look of disappointment that I had become so accustomed to. Obscenities fled from my mouth as I unwrapped myself from my covers, tripping over my table that held a plate of now-cold eggs and room temperature milk that my mom had apparently gotten up early to prepare for me. I tried to avoid knocking over the glass, but it had already happened. The cup lay on its side, as a waterfall of white fluid rushed over the edge of the table. I neglected the mess, intending to clean it up later.

I discovered myself drowning in the same dreary routine as I stumbled to my closet, stripping a shirt from its hanger. Running to the bathroom, I swept up a pair of pants that I had worn the previous day. I dressed myself, gave my teeth a quick swipe with my toothbrush, and ran some water through my hair, drenching my shirt with the excess. I flipped the light switch and ran up the stairs two at a time, tripping over the shoestrings that dangled beneath my pants.

I conquered the stairs and ran to the kitchen, specifically the refrigerator. I went for the door, noticing a piece of paper attached with the incessantly annoying smiley face magnet.

Hope you enjoyed your breakfast. I’ll see you when you get home from school. Have a good day. I love you, Mom.

I continued to open the door and grabbed the milk jug. I went to the cabinet, pulled a cup from the shelf, and poured the milk into the cup. I went to the second flight of stairs and yelled for my brother.

“I was suppose to be at school five minutes ago,” my brother bellowed back to me as he came down the stairs.

I ignored his comments as I left the house, locking the door behind me.

School was the same. People were eager to get the closest parking spots. I pulled around, finally seeing a place that everyone had overlooked. I sped into the space, barely missing the opening door of the car next to me.

My brother evacuated the car, not thanking me for the ride. I remained in the car, watching the crystalline drops of rain that had begun to fall on my window. I love the rain; at least I had one thing good in my life today. Yet, sometimes I wondered if what we perceive as rain is really God’s crying at the sight of what His Creation had become.

I eventually left the car and headed to my group of friends. I stood and listened to their conversations. It was the usual discussing of which girls are “hot.” I hate these types of conversations. I can’t believe that they would push a girl down to the level of being “hot.” I choose to issue the word of beautiful to describe them. Beautiful is such a more delicate, yet powerful word to describe a girl.

I watched the flocks of people maneuver their way across the sidewalk. There was the girl. I had no idea who she was. I had no knowledge about her. I didn’t even know her name. I saw her walking to class every morning, yet I could not conjure up the strength to bring myself to talk to her. In the midst of a world where everyone’s face burns, hers was the one that glows. My friends constantly encouraged me to talk to her, but I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t sure why though. There was no one else that I was interested in. After all, my girlfriend had broken up with me over three months ago. It wasn’t like I still wanted to be with her. It wasn’t like I couldn’t get over her. It wasn’t even that I missed her, but maybe it was that I missed my heart. It was the one thing I had given her that I should’ve taken back. For some reason, I didn’t. Tomorrow, tomorrow I would talk to the girl. Tomorrow I would find out who she was.

My friends interrupted my thoughts by questioning my silence. I excused myself as being sick. Being sick was always my excuse. It was better than trying to explain that I sometimes enjoyed silence. People seem to have forgotten that solitude, just as the rain, can still be a good thing.

The bell rang. I began walking to class, passing my fellow sheep on my way. Yet, there weren’t my fellow sheep, there was something that set me apart from them.

She walked toward me. It was me ex-girlfriend. Every time I saw her, our final conversation replayed over and over. I still remember her words of “you’ll be an even bigger loser” and “I guess you don’t have any self esteem.” That had always been my biggest fear, being a loser. I had heard other people say it behind my back, but I never took any thought to it because I didn’t care about those people. When I heard it from her, I believed it. I was a loser. As she passed me, I just smiled my usual distant smile.

First hour, time to do some work. I hated that class, but it wasn’t the work. It was the people. I hadn’t talked to anyone in that class since school had started. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to them, but it was the fact that I was the type of person that they laughed and sneered at.

I don’t understand what some people think. What was I suppose to think when I was confronted with the question “why are you depressed today?” Do people honestly think that I was depressed all of the time. If it wasn’t that, it was the fact that people were amazed when I smiled or laughed. It was as if they expected me to bear no image of happiness, to live my life in depression, and if I wasn’t depressed, then I must be lying and faking my happiness. Well, stop it! I hate it! If you don’t care to know me, then don’t care to mock and torment me! You don’t know what you’ve done to me! You’re killing me! I’m dying because of you, and you don’t care! You’re destroying me! My heart is crumbling! Everyone, go away!

I guess it’s too late now.

Second hour arrived the same time as usual. Today I wasn’t going to face it. I traded my trip to class with a trip to the nurse’s office. A temperature check and a few fake coughs were enough to send me home. Once again, my “sickness” excused me.

I returned home. No one else was there. I went to my room, leaving my lights off. I climbed into my bed and slept. In fact, my body is still lying there. Why can I see myself? Someone’s knocking on my door. Wake up and answer the door! Why can’t I move?

Here comes my mom. She’s trying to clean up my mess that I made this morning. Mom, I’ll clean it up later. You don’t have to do it. Why can’t she hear me? Mom!

She’s pushing my sides to wake me up. Come on, get up! I want up! Mom stop pushing me. She’s putting her hand on my chest. I’m not moving! What is she doing? Mom, who are you calling?

Sirens. Why do I hear sirens? People. Who are all of these people? Where. Where am I going? Wires. Why are all of these wires on me? Monitors. What are all of these monitors watching? Crying. Why are my parents crying? Dead. I’m dead.

Mom? Dad? What are you looking for? My stuff is all messed up. There’s my journal. Those are my thoughts. Mom, please don’t read those.

If the world was over today If the Lord came my way What would I leave behind What could I give to remind I don’t want to leave without them knowing I can’t leave without my showing If I had to go today Here are the things I would have to say:

Please tell my parents I love them And I’m thankful for all they’ve gave I’m sorry for the times of trouble I’m sorry for the things I took away.

Please tell my brother he’s not that bad No matter what we say or do Like my parents I love him too Tell him to remember all I’ve taught From the lessons of life to not getting caught

Please tell my friends that they’re the best No matter what happens I would never give them up I’ve been there for them and they’ve been there for me I hope they know how important their influence will be

Lastly I save the one whom I love Please tell her she has me forever And I’ll give her all she wants Tell her I’m sorry for the times I could’ve been better The times of happiness and the times of pain Forget them never No matter what happens I shall love you forever

The minister finished reading, and I was closed up forever. The ones that had attended watched. I’m amazed. The number of people present was greater than I could’ve ever hoped for. Family, friends, and everyone that had ever cared about me were there, even them, both of them - the one I had lost and the one for whom my chance of tomorrow would never come.

“It’s time to go,” I was told as God placed His hand upon my heart.

As the people left my service, it began to rain those beautiful crystalline drops. They weren’t the tears of God’s sadness, but the tears of my happiness.

Black Cat Crosses My Path

I just wondered and still wondering
Off late this hairy creature in black been crossing my path quite frequently
Is it a sign?
Or I just to remind me to be extra careful on my daily routine

My sweetheart told me few days ago that she bring bad luck to me
Obviously it is not true because she had bring the best in my and I thanks her for that

Back to the black cat
It just a superstitious and I believe it is act of god for me to be careful
God tell you thing in a lot of ways.
I guess since now I own a car and driving my sweet cup cake around, he is telling me to be cautious and not to drive to fast or recklessly.

Again also I think God wanted to remind me to think of him which off late I don't really do.

Also I think God wanted me look in the behaviour of this sneaky, clever, agile hunters with a strong streak of Independence and he probably wanted me to be prepared to be as the Cat.

Ohhh Well

Thing happen for a reason

I guess I got to learn from it rather then been frustrated over it.

Whatever happen I still need to go on with my life

My dream vs memory

When I wake up from having a dream it seems hazy as the haze in KL yesterday, not nearly as real as I had thought it was at the time I was actually dreaming it.
Now I start to think back to any moment in the past, my memory of it, and its comparison to a memory of a dream.
They are identical in that we have an inability to remember it as real as it actually was.
In biology we studied that the chemical reaction or inhibitor in our brain that sometime makes dream seem real.
I guess it only a dream.
A dream of the pass and it will never come true.

Gosshhh...I don't know what this blog alot about. Why I blogg it. God only knows

Tired Of This Life

Tired of this life
But you want to know what it's like
Don't you want to know what it's like
Tomorrow night
Fireworks will fill the sky
Fireworks will fill the sky
And the air is so hot
Over the world below
Just long enough
Let your worry go, go
Let your worry go
Tired of your trying
But your eyes weren't only made for crying
Your eyes were made for seeing things
Tomorrow brings a brand new blossoming
It'll only make your heart sing
Like the birds so high
Over the world below
Just long enough
Let your worry go, go
Let your worry go
Tired of this life
But you want to know what it's like
Don't you want to know what it's like

Are they a failure or it is my failure

Now instead of being productive in work I'm writing this Blog. sighhhh

I am uncomfortable and get anxiety from all the problems and bad care, bad service and no empathy which I see everywhere.

I try to go straight home after work and meet my sweetheart, eat and drink and realx but at the same time I feel angry and frustrated of my work life.

Now days I move myself even less than before.

All this frustration gives me anxiety and sometimes I want to begin drinking, but fortunately I got her to think about which prevents me.

Everything seems pointless. I think I am a failure and worthless: silly malicious, clumsy, ugly and everything awful which one can be.

I have been in this industry which itself was or is a catastrophe because working I'm working with a bunch of MALAYSIAN MONKEYS.

For some reason this service issue is always happens.

Why all this silliness

Must I check every single thing this Monkeys doing or going to do?

Am I a miserable failure?

Am I?

Where everyhing happend at one place

Yet I not yet finish my previous blog but somehow I have the urge and wanting to poss this new post

Oh well this is what it was all about:-

Story of people who just don't care and plain drama and master of BODEK

Probably I'm still being to nice to this none responsible and none responsive people

Should I revert back to the "Old" me.

It is really a waste of my effort if I decide to revert back to the "Old" me.

Its took me years to be where am I now, why should I revert back to the "Old" me.

I don't want the "Old" me to ruin there rest of this people life and while in the process also ruin my own.

Think about it, something make me wonders whether this people truly understand what there are or were doing or just the plain don't care

Make me wonders whether they really care

Why?

Why?

and

Why?

I'm really contemplating whether should I really revert back to the "Old" me.

Those days I just don't give a single Damn about other people feeling or even their livelihood but I get thing done perfectly without any flaw. I would say most of the time I get thing done as fast and as perfect as how I want it to be (those where the days)

Don't this people know that I care that they got life to live and they got mouth to feed

If I don't think abot them, Long time ago I already revert back to the "Old" me

My question is whether they ever think about me

I guess they just plain don't care

Again make me wonder, if this people don't care..why should I

I guess position came with responsibility to the Owner, The People and To Myself

But again my question is whether this people think and what I'm thinking

Just don't know

School Days and College Days and Work Days and Gatal Days and Now Days

Another none productive day and I decided to post another blog rather then being sleepy and restless and sooner or later I might become Bananas.

Basically I feel like I am my own worst enemy when it comes to love and relationships.

I had several girlfriend before but not as personate as with my current girl friend (my wife to be ...yahoooooo)! There rest of my previous exs (axes) is not even close to her (my sweetheart)

Story from the pass....

Let start from the begining since my love one reqyested for me to update it

As far I can remember my fisrt oppsoite sex enquanter was during my kindergarden days. I can really rememebr her name but if I not mistaken her name was Annie or Nie. A sweet girl who been chasing me around the court yard everytime class on break. She will follow me everywhere. Goes really amke me unconfortable. Oh well it just end there. After I moved to primary school and after I move from MinDef to Kg Pandan we seems to lost contact.

While I was in Kg Pandan I get to know this mix malay / dutch girl. At this time I was between 7 to 9 years of age. Her name was Shina. We were closed and very close. Hey that was my first kiss to a girl. Being the shy my she the one who kiss me instaed of me kissing her. We been very close friend infact like a loving couple. Unseparatetable ha ha ha. Again our friendship end when she moved to Ampang. Occasionally we met when our parent visit each other but it just that.

Time pass without me having any "Girl Friend" till I was at form 1 plus. I got attarcted to my neighbour. In the past (School days and college days and what ever dunggu days), I've been knocked back by girls who I thought could find it within themselves to feel the same way about me as I did of them. I can think of a few separate examples of this, whereby these sweet young lady (hemm at that time she still girl la mangkok …probably still a virgin ka ka ka) have been close friend for more than 2 or 3 year's (Hi Husni…at that time we were at form 3 or 4 at that time...my neighbour), during which I myself built up an admiration or strong feeling for and each time I admitted the truth about her, she reacted badly and either cut me off or just plain didn't want me but ironically we still friend but the dunggu me always continue telling her the same thing. Nerver give uo and try again ka ka ka... Again our friendship end when her dad been posted to elsewhere.

Another example played out the same, (Hi …can’t remember your name…tuition time at Good Institute) however this girl just reacted badly and cut me off, one day we were some sort of great friends and the next - I couldn't get a word in. ya ya ya...Now I remembered her Name Hi Azlita from BBGS... I remember she got a nice pair of leg. Gosh it really beautiful.

While I was in secondary school during form 4 or 5 I get to know this two girl. Norfaztura and Norfazlina. We been very close. My of my she is sweet. A very fair Malay. Moxed blood between Malay/Chinese/Japan To be continue stay tune






From previous post
On another example is about this girl who I got on with extremely well (Hi Jennifer…my Stamford College thingy) and we had loads of laughs and general good times with. She was single and beautiful (for sure la single and beautiful…periuk la lu) and had a bit of a nerd within, beneath her 'cool and sweet' exterior. Well, when she discovered how I honestly felt about her (by word of mouth from one of my 'friends' bloody idiot Syed…), the response she gave was basically 'I couldn't, not after going out with my Ex who was extremely chraming but I'm not ready she said....and bla bla bla she continue, it would put me a few moody and embarrasses situation and thanks to you Syed “The Fat Albert'...oh well. Anyhow I was quick to see that she had issues with some guy who want to be with her. Ha ha ha…thanks god I never being with her…blessing blessing blessing




Those days when these things happen, I can't help but believe that I'm hopeless shy guy, why would they want me when they can have someone else? Given me sign but as what or just testing me and trying to make fun of me…FCUK them la...


Try as I might, this defeating seems to rear at my ugly head subconscious mind and give me the impression if have the bare-faced cheek to fall for someone again. It makes me shy in person and dialogueless (for years) but yet outspoken in action and meaningful gesture during working time (work is work la bro).


It makes me incredibly nervous to admit to any degree that I feel any way about someone, but I still try to break out of my own cage, tiny step by tiny step. By which I mean I would put a lot of thought, time and money into surprising my girlfriend on her birthday or other occasion, and pay constant consideration to them in every way I can think of whether they realise or not, yet I will still do it. Oh well that is me...small matters count ok.


Till that time and even now at present time I have come to realise that I have a huge self-confidence issue when it comes to women. I find it hard to believe that anyone would want to be with me, and I'd find it even harder to be comfortable in the glaring eyes of others if that ever became the case, as if I was somehow committing a major crime by being loved.


Believe it or not this also makes me quite timid and makes casual flirting nearly impossible unless with someone who's even more recluse than myself in that area. I feel like I don't stand out because I am far too cautious and careful about respecting the lady I care about most, that I don't act like a potential partner, but instead more like a friendly friend! I feel like what's going on in my head is completely different from what I can convey in my body language...

Beleive it or not flirtatious, provocative, sexy and spontaneous are all not in my vocabulary.......

Anyhow those were the days. Now I have found someone who I want to be with the rest of my life. It took me 43 years to finally found some who would be able to complete this love story of mine. If the is a miracle for sure mine already come true. If you believe love at first sight for sure hers already happened (and probably mine to …the only different is may be I don’t realize it). If there is the greatest love story none will ever as great as between me and her. If there is cupid for sure the love arrow has hit the right spot into our heart.


Thanks sweetheart

"Love is more than three words I mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by my action, a pattern of devotion in the things I do for each moment and each day.

What do I beleive (My Happy Life)

i believe in her (my wife to be)
i believe in simplicity. (that why i choose her)
i believe eating good food with her (thanks sweetheart)
i believe in cozy homes. (let chose to buy a house ya)
i believe in honest expression. (let be open)
i believe in god (Allah the Almighty)
mostly, i believe in being happy because she always be with me.

the beginning is the most important part of my life that why i decided not to make the two mistakes once can make along the road to truth which is not going all the way & not starting. i know every new beginning comes from some other ending that why i took the step towards getting somewhere & decided that i are not going to stay where i'm now because the prove from small beginnings (FaceBooking While Working) end with great things.

earlier this morning even i was thinking about love and its stages.
this morning i had scroll the internet and read the lyric from my favorite song from the group the Peter Pants.
i love that song
that sentiment from the song going to stay with me all day.
i let the memories of the first few time when i date her
and being unofficially engaged on March 15th to her really marinate in my mind...
it felt good thinking of it and i determined to consciously love and appreciate her and my life as her husband to be, as her boy friend and as a friend.
if tonight she going home and not we me, i'm going to snuggle longer before rolling over to sleep. (i want to think to good thing we had and going to have)
i want remember better how much i couldn't wait to date her, be her boyfriend and now i really can't wait to be her husband (or even few month ago i just can't wait to be her boy friend).

i hope, i pray and i wish, as the time goes on in my life (our life),
when life is busy,
i (we) won't forget to do the extra little things to show my the other half that
i'm is still in love with her.
and while i appreciate that the love between me and her won't always be the butterfly kind,
but rather the concern for each others' well-being and facing the world together kind of thingy

i still want her to feel she's my world, and feel from me that i always want to be in her world.
if there is time for chatting, scrolling, lazying, movieing and whatever "ings"., then there is time for romance. right? i need to learn to be more romantic

once upon a time, (and not too long ago...few weeks ago to be exact), i would have to tear each other apart to go to our respective homes at the end of a date. we hated every second when were apart.

wouldn't it be nice if we meet up much earlier so we wouldn't have to wait so long to get to know each other and wouldn't it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong together (i can wait to be her husband)

you know, its gonna make much better when we can say goodnight & give a good night kiss and stay together forever

wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up in the morning when the day is new and after having spent the day together hold each other close the whole night

through happy times together we've been spending
i wish that every kiss was never-ending...wouldn't it be nice, right?

maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true

sweetheart there wouldn't be a single thing I couldn't do to be with you

we going to be married and then be happy with you

....wouldn't it be nice

I make her cry again...sorry I'm sorry...god know how sorry I am

Sometime i wonder, why i jealous, why with my ex i don't (at least not to this extend), why...is it because insecurity

I love her trully from my heart and probably due to that i became jealous out of no reasons.

This article really an interesting to read.

Sweetheart I love you and I don't want to lose you.

Muakkks

Jealousy: The Green-Eyed Monster that Destroys Relationships
Anyone who has ever been in a serious relationship has probably felt the green-eyed monster creep into his or her thoughts at one time or another.
Ah, jealousy.
It can cause insecurity, detachment, and, often, just plain immaturity.
No one wants to admit that they are a jealous person, and, admittedly, some people are better at curbing their jealousy than others.
But, as much as we try to fight against it, sometime you just can’t help but feel it.
What’s worse is that jealousy can often make you act out against your partner even if your partner is innocent and has no idea why you are angry or, worse yet, it can foster your own low self-esteem.
Whatever the reason, whether valid or not, jealousy can be a huge factor in disconnection between couples.
Sometimes it is flattering when a relationship partner gets a little jealous, but a boost to the ego is a far cry from the fights and resentment that can come from real, hidden jealousy.
This sort of jealousy is never a good thing for a relationship and communicating your own jealousy to your partner without sounding irrational can be tricky.
The question remains: How can you learn to recognize jealousy and deal with it without jeopardizing your relationship?

Jealousy is Sparked from Insecurity
The closer you become with your partner, the more you have to lose by breaking up.
If you are not aware of your own qualities or not confident in your own attractiveness as a relationship partner, insecurities can develop.
If your insecurities are not addressed with your partner, they only fester and grow.
It is true that there is a small percentage of jealousy that comes from a valid feeling, but, most of the time, jealousy comes from personal insecurities that have grown because of lack of communication.
If your own insecurity or low self-image makes you think badly of yourself, you often begin to wonder what your significant other sees in you.
You will start to question why your partner would want to stay with you and fear that he or she will inevitably meet someone “better”.
The fear that your partner will wake up one day and realize there is someone better out there can lead to suspicion on your part.
When suspicious thoughts begin to enter the mind of an insecure person the green-eyed monster will begin to rear his ugly head.
You may find yourself questioning your partner’s actions or becoming too needy of your partner’s time and attention.
If you don’t discuss your insecurities with your partner, questions may begin to fill your head.

Why does he always come home later on Tuesday nights…who is he seeing?
Why does she always talk so much about that new co-worker…does she like him?

Because these questions and the motives behind them (your own insecurities) are not brought to the forefront, you may start to see problems that aren’t really there.
If suppressed long enough, often a jealous person will “flip out” when, in reality, their partner has done nothing wrong.
A friendly conversation can look like flirting or a hug may seem to go on a little too long even though it is innocent. And, unfairly to your partner, you will overreact in anger or heavy emotion.
How To Prevent and Let Go of Jealousy
So, how do you prevent these thoughts from flooding your mind or from even occurring at all?

The first thing you need to do is open the lines of communication with your partner.
Tell your loved one calmly and openly that you love him or her but, because they are so important to you, you are feeling anxiety or insecurity about the relationship.
Chances are, your partner will reaffirm how much he or she loves you and you both can discuss the reasons why you are with each other.
Unless there is a bigger problem that requires legitimate worry (in which case it is a good thing you started talking!), admitting your fear of losing your partner will open up a door of communication that can actually bond the two of you closer together.
If you sense jealousy from your partner, learn to offer reassurance about your relationship more often.
After you have communicated your feelings with your partner, you will better understand the reasons why your partner has chosen you and be far less likely to second-guess your partner’s intentions.
You will be reassured of the fact that your significant other is in a relationship with you because he or she loves you, not because they are waiting for someone better to come along.
You love your partner, and, your partner loves you.
It’s that simple.
When you stop wasting your time thinking of reasons why your partner will leave you, you can start to understand the many reasons why your relationship is stable and satisfying for the both of you.

If you can admit that you are someone worth loving, you can focus on building and strengthening the love between you both.

Her and Me

I just can’t get enough of her.
Everyday my feeling toward her grew even stronger and to the point that I can’t be apart from her.
I’m not sure whether it is good or it is bad (I beleive it is for sure good) but I want her by my side every single moment.
I got top stop this behavior. I don’t want to be possessive. I need to give her some space. I need to give her, her own time. She got other friend to be with and chat with.
But my heart and soul are too weak and I just can’t. I will and going to be jealous when others chatting or talking to her.
Why I don’t had this kind of feeling before with my previous GFs. Why with her.
I guess this love is real and really deep inside or (I hope not) because I feel insecure which make my subconscious mind react to what I had reacted or going to react.
I love her and I don’t want her to feel like I’m controlling her (which I did not and will not)
But I can’t help it, I want her everyday by my side and I know she want me by her side too.
Love you sweetheart. Love you forever.

The new chapter, the new era, the new beginning (a.k.a. code number 10368000)

In few hours time the clock going strikes! minus 10, minus 9....and finally minus 1

That moment we are at the mark of 120 days together. Happy days forever. Although sometime we argue, sometime we have our disagreement but above all and what matters is most of the time we enjoy our company and we can't live apart from each other (not even a single second)


Time really flies when we are having fun. It is seems that we just know is others yesterday.
I pray, I wish and I hope this feeling will last forever.


It is very encouraging to post this update because as of June 18th
its mark 4 months and my love toward her grew even stronger.


From my complicated lives and now change to be simple and exciting and fun.

Every single day I’m looking forward to be with her.


At the moment, I'm thinking of having a vacation with her and imagine this "While sipping Pina Colda or Magarita or Mojito while listening to the sound of the waves and enjoying wind breezing from the ocean front, me and her have fun chatting, kissing and hugging each other" Isn't that a wonderfull feeling. Love you sweetheart.

Few weeks ago asked her "Marry me" a question pop from me

"Yes I will" an answer from her

Finally my dream come true.
Finally my life complete

Day of a new life has its start
I want to share with her only one love, one dream, one heart but not ONE WORLD. (ha ha ha)
I want to love her deeply because it gives me strength. Being loved by her gives me courage.
I looking forward for every single moment with her because its matters.
Love you always and love you forever


1502 An official 1st Date (But she is late) ha ha ha
1902 The day I say I love you
1811 Her Birthday
1503 The day I ask her to marry me and she say yes to me
2905 Our 100 days
2403 Our first time
29908 The day we start chatting (Someone is Facebooking While Working)


Muakkkkkks

I Finally Found Someone : Bryan Adams

I finally found someone
That knocks me off my feet
I finally found the one
That makes me feel complete
It started over FB
We started out as chatting friends
It's funny how from simple things
The best things begin
This time is different
And it's all because of you
It's better than it's ever been'
Cause we can talk it though

My favorite line was

"Can I FB you sometime?"

It's all you had to say

To take my breath away

This is it Oh,

I finally found someone

Someone to share my life

I finally found the one

To be with every night'

Cause whatever I do

It's just got to be you

My life has just begun

I finally found someone

Did I keep you waiting?

I didn't mind

I apologize, baby that's fine

I would wait forever just to know you were mine

You know I love your hair

Are you sure it looks right?

I love what you wear

Isn't it too tight?

You're exceptional

I can't wait for the rest of my life

This is it

Oh, I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one
To be with every night'
Cause whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone
And whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone

117 days make a new turn in our life

I guess it is Blessing in Disguise. Thing happened with a reasons.

Marked this date June 15th 2009, My love toward her grew even stronger after she found out about my blog

Although that particular post make her cry but we (especially me) end up understand each other even better. I was terrified last time due to my passed experiences but now thing has changed. I able to clear my doubt in my mind within split second and there is no more phobia about it anymore.

Last night we struck a conversation on our relationship. Her remarks really touch me. “Baby there is no reason for me to leave you; I truly love you from my heart; for what I want to do be you if I don’t love you; you treat me differently than others”
Her comment really makes me the happiest man in this world
“Baby, I love u & u noe tat's for real..I pray & hope that u can get rid of these nonsense doubts ASAP..Now I noe y u keep asking d same question over n over again..Yes, I'll be ur wife & it's going to be this year for sure..”
One thing is for certain, what once I thought this doubt of mine was a problem but now I know it was a "blessing in disguise".

Happy 118 days

What going to happen with my life without her

I guess I need to be more confidence in myself
I guest I need to kick and get rid out the old scare and phobia
I guess I need to be transparent and open with her rather I keep it to myself

It isn't a nice thought having this kind of feeling, is it?

The fact that I can but I choose not to.
Probably that's why I push myself to posted that blog to clam my uncertent mind,
Why am I not confidence before and very confidence now
Isn't it to late because I already hurt her and she do not completely trust me anymore

Why don't I go the extra mile to see where my and her limitations and work thing out rather then try to expand on these boundaries.
I I did what I suppose to do for sure eventually I improve my confidence
But why I let it be. Why I make her in pain which all this silliness. She the only girl which able to open my heart and I let her trust vanish in me into a tin air.
I know I truly love her but why why why I did the thing I do
The is no physical level of human tolerance would able accept for what I had done.

I fail on the below the do become don't
DO be romantic and sensitive in your words and actions.
DO listen attentively.
DO build her trust by being faithful and truthful, and always "being there."

Sorry! I'm trully sorry

I know she going to freaked out if she stumble on that Blog but why I still posted it
Why I'm so silly and stupid and self centred
Why I been so selfish
Why do I need to posted it because of my fustration and uncertaitenty
Anyhow there is a blessing in disguish because from now onwards I have no doubt in my mind that I love here and have complete trust in her
But I think it is to late because I guess the wheel has turn and now she don't trust me anymore
I hurt her again.
Stupid really stupid of me
I lose the trust of someone who love me with her whole heart
I lose the trust from someone who able to make my life complete
I lose the trust of my wife to be who now having doubt to marry me
Why why why

Addicted to her (Will you marry me) Say yes to me and let the others be happier too

Everything was (is) the 1st time
Sometime I wonder/ing why?
Its much be a reasons
I really love her and I know I won't be able to live without her
And I hope and pray that she having this same feeling too

Below is the cut and paste for our reference and reading pleasure

Five Stages of MarriageStage
1: Passion prevailsLike people, marriages also go through different developmental stages and predictable crises.Everyone is familiar with the infancy stage of marriage — the "honeymoon period" — but what happens after that? Because people are unfamiliar with the emotional terrain, the normal hills and valleys of marriage, predictable transitional periods are often misunderstood, causing overreactions. Those who manage to weather these universal stormy periods usually come out the other side with greater love and commitment to their spouses. That’s why I want to offer you a marriage map.The marriage map is meant to give you a broad overview of the experiences most couples have when they negotiate the marital terrain. As you read through these stages and developmental passages, don’t get too hung up on the timetable. Some couples move through these stages more quickly than others, and some bypass certain stages entirely.Head over heels in love, you can’t believe how lucky you are to have met your one and only star-crossed lover. Everything other than the relationship quickly fades into the background. Much to your amazement, you have so much in common: You enjoy the same hobbies, music, restaurants, and movies. You even like each other’s friends. You can finish each other’s sentences. When you pick up the phone to call your partner, s/he is already on the line calling you. You are completely in sync. When little, annoying things pop up, they’re dismissed and overlooked.At no other time in your relationship is your feeling of well-being and physical desire for each other as intense as it is during this romantic period. The newness and excitement of the relationship stimulates the production of chemicals in your bodies that increase energy and positive attitudes, and heighten sexuality and sensuality. Never, never, have you felt this way before. "It must be love," you tell yourself. While in this naturally produced state of euphoria, you decide to commit to spending the rest of your lives together. "And why not," you reason, ‘we’re perfect together." And marry, you do. Unless you elope or opt for a simple, judge’s chambers-style wedding, your euphoria takes a temporary nose-dive as you plan and execute your wedding. Once you get past the superhuman challenges of dealing with family politics and hosting a modern-day wedding, your starry-eyed obsession with each other reemerges and takes you through the honeymoon period. And for a period of time, nothing could be more glorious. But soon, your joy gives way to an inevitable earth-shattering awakening; marriage isn’t at all what you expected it to be.

Stage 2: What was I thinking?In some ways, Stage 2 is the most difficult because it is here that you experience the biggest fall. After all, how many miles is it from bliss to disillusionment? Millions. What accounts for this drastic change in perspective? For starters, reality sets in: the little things start to bother you. You realize that your spouse has stinky breath in the morning, spends way too long on the toilet, leaves magazines and letters strewn on the kitchen counter, never wraps food properly before it’s put in the refrigerator, and to top things off, snores. There are big things too.Although you once thought you and your spouse were kindred spirits, you now realize that there are many differences between you. Although you share interests in hobbies, you disagree about how often you want to participate in them. You like the same kinds of restaurants, but you enjoy eating out often while your partner prefers staying home and saving money. Your tastes in music are compatible, but you prefer quiet time in the evening while your mate enjoys blasting the stereo. You have many common friends, but you can't agree on which nights to see them. You’re confused about what’s going on. You argue. You knew life wouldn’t always be a bed of roses, but you never thought all you’d get was thorns. You feel disillusioned and you wonder if you made a mistake.Ironically, it is in the midst of feeling at odds with your once kindred spirit that you are faced with making all sorts of life-altering decisions. For example, it is now that you decide whether and when to have children, where to live, who will support the family, who will handle the bills, how your free time will be spent, how in-laws fit into your lives, and who will do the cooking. Just at the time when a team spirit would have come in mighty handy, spouses often start to feel like opponents. So they spend the next decade or so trying to "win" and get their partners to change, which triggers stage

3.Stage 3: Everything would be great if you changedIn this stage of marriage, most people believe that there are two ways of looking at things, your spouse’s way and your way, also known as the Right Way. Even if couples begin marriage with the enlightened view that there are many valid perspectives on any given situation, they tend to develop severe amnesia quickly. And rather than brainstorm creative solutions, couples often battle tenaciously to get their partners to admit they are wrong. That’s because every point of disagreement is an opportunity to define the marriage. Do it my way, and the marriage will work, do it yours and it won’t.When people are in this state of mind, they have a hard time understanding why their spouses are so glued to their way of seeing things. They assume it must be out of stubbornness, spitefulness or a need to control. What they don’t realize is that their spouses are thinking the same thing about them! Over time, both partners dig in their heels deeper. Little or no attempt is made to see the other person’s point of view for fear of losing face or worse yet, losing a sense of self.Now is the time when many people face a fork in the marital road. They don’t want to go on this way. Three choices become apparent. Convinced they’ve tried everything, some people give up. They tell themselves they’ve fallen out of love or married the wrong person. Divorce seems like the only logical solution. Other people resign themselves to the status quo and decide to lead separate lives. Ultimately, they live unhappily ever after. But there are others who decide that it’s time to end the cold war and begin to investigate healthier and more satisfying ways of interacting. Although the latter option requires a major leap of faith, those who take it are the fortunate ones because the best of marriage is yet to come.

Stage 4: That’s just the way any partner isIn Stage 4, we finally come to terms with the fact that we are never going to see eye to eye with our partners about everything and we have to figure out what we must do to live more peaceably. We slowly accept that no amount of reasoning, begging, nagging, yelling, or threatening changes our partners minds. We look to others for suggestions; we seek religious counsel, talk to close friends and family, attend marital therapy, read self-help books, or take a relationship seminar. Those of us who are more private look inward and seek solutions there.We more readily forgive our spouse for his/her hard-headedness, and recognize that we aren’t exactly easy to live with either. We dare to ask ourselves whether there’s something about our own behavior that could use shaping up. When disagreements occur, we make more of an effort to put ourselves in our partners shoes and, much to our surprise, we have a bit more compassion and understanding. Fights happen less frequently and when they occur, they’re not as intense or as emotional as in the earlier years of marriage. We know how to push our partner’s buttons and we consciously decide not to. When we slip, we get better at making up because we remind ourselves that life is short and very little is worth the pain of disharmony. And because were smart enough to have reached this stage, we reap the benefits of the fifth, and final, stage.

Stage 5: Together, at lastIt is really a tragedy that half of all couples who wed never get to stage 5, when all the pain and hard work of the earlier stages really begins to pay off. Since you are no longer in a struggle to define who you are and what the marriage should be, there is more harmony. Even if you always have loved your spouse, you start to notice how much you are really liking him or her again. And then the strangest thing starts to happen. You realize that the alien who abducted your spouse in stage 2 has been kind enough to return him/her. You are pleased to discover that the qualities you saw in your partner so very long ago never really vanished. This renews your feelings of connection.By the time you reach Stage 5, you have a shared history. And although you’d both agree that marriage hasn’t been easy, you can feel proud that you’ve weathered the storms. You appreciate your partner’s sense of commitment and dedication to making your marriage last. You also look back and feel good about your accomplishments as a couple, a family, and as individuals. You feel more secure about yourself as a person and you begin to appreciate your differences. And what you don’t appreciate, you accept. You feel closer and more connected. If you have children, they’re older and more independent, allowing you to focus on your marriage again. You have come full circle. The feeling you were longing for during those stormy periods is back, at last. You’re home again.I’m certain that if more couples realized that there really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, they’d be more willing to tough it out through the downpour. The problem is, most people fool themselves into thinking that whatever stage they are in at the moment, is where they will be forever. That can be a depressing thought when you’re in the midst of hard times. And in marriage, there are lots of hard times—unexpected problems with infertility, the births of children (marital satisfaction goes down with the birth of each child), the challenges of raking a family, children leaving home, infidelity, illnesses, deaths of close friends and family members.Also, it’s important to remember that people generally don’t go through these stages sequentially. It’s three steps forward and two steps back. Just when you begin to feel more at peace with each other in stage 4, a crisis occurs and you find yourselves slipping back to stage 3. But if you’ve been fortunate enough to have visited stage 4, sanity sets in eventually, and you get back on track. The quality and quantity of love you feel for each other are never stagnant.

Think about it.

This monkeys profess that they're are being honest

How do people perceive truth?

What sensory/mental process should I used to observe truth?
How can I sense it?

I think deception destroys trust and a lack of deception increases trust.
Honesty is not an act in itself.
Honesty is the absence of deception.
Honesty, being 'not deception', increases trust.

I think honesty and transparent is the building blocks of trust and trust and it is the sensory perception of truth.

This in the end leads me to believe that truth is honesty and transparency.
By not being deceptive and honest we can create truth and trust.

When is the time for me to have the total and complete trust from the truth from this Monkeys in One World

What is sin? Am I a sinner?

There is something called sin. And what is it?

To me, you are either "in control" or "out of control" of your actions.
If you are in control, then you have done what you intended to do.
If you didn't make a "mistake."
If you are not in control of what you do, then you cannot be held accountable, or you shouldn't be held accountable for what you don't control.

Without a law, you cannot make a transgression. You cannot fail, without a standard of success.
How could people be saved from sin, if they had no idea they had sinned or were sinners?
The idea of sin is usually either doing something that you later regret or failing to meet some standard or breaking a law so you can sin against yourself or against a law.

If you break the speed limit, you can say that you are sinning against the law.

Usually the idea of sin also has to do with what you are trying to do. For instance, if you lose a race, you might say, "I wasn't trying to win." You can reason that you didn't fail, because you weren't really trying. For instance, we may sin against the law of one religion, but not that of another or we may sin against one person's morals, but not anothers.

Part of sin, at least about how we feel about it individually is related to what laws we are trying to obey. We have not failed if we were never trying. Then, there is the idea that some laws are "written on our hearts." For instance, the speed limit is a law we might hold ourselves to, but this law is something we learn or choose to obey. However, some people will say that humans have a "conscience" and that some laws (like moral laws) are written on us from birth.

So are we will encounter the idea of "sin" when we break one of these "intrinsic" laws.
What is the idea of sin? And can we sin? Are we not free to act as we please?
How can we act and then feel regret?
What is the point of regret? For instance, a child may take a cookie from the cookie jar while his parents are not looking. He may go along his merry way and enjoy the rest of his afternoon but, then his mother comes home and notices a cookie is missing. She then comes in and asks him if he has taken a cookie. The child then begins to cry and say he's sorry. He feels regret. The problem is, that in the act of punishment, the punisher wants to make sure that the punished is "sorry." If you aren't sorry, then you don't have the concept of "sin" in you. You don't feel like you have "sinned." However, if you do feel sorry, then you have the idea that you have "made a mistake."

So, what is sin?
Is it perhaps self punishment?
Why would we punish ourselves?
Perhaps because that is what our authority figures want us to do.
They want us to regulate ourselves - to feel sorry.

If we feel sorry, then we are self regulating? Am I?

Am I a sinner?

Perception of Truth to Trust

It's strange isn't it, how trust, honesty, and truth are all linked together.
I mean, we only trust someone who we believe is being honest, but they are only being honest about their perception of truth and that sometime opppss sorry it is all the time really disturb me
So how can I trust someone who's truth may be different to my own?
Or how can I believe they aren't just lying?
Which leads ... onto lies, and what people believe or what their knowledge of lies are.
If they believe they are telling the truth, how do I know that what I'm thinking aren't the lies?
Then that brings me back round to trust, but self trust, the kind I have to have to accomplish things I know I'm are capable of.But still this doesn't conclude honesty, trust and the truth because......

I guess it's all depends on how I interpret what I have just written.

and I guess I only can only trust my sweetheart and myself

FaceBooking While Working (When Moments Really Matters)

...yesterday...today....tomorrow....

I close my eyes and I still trying to close my uncertainty heart

I now realize who is by my side ... who is on my side ... who will take my side ... and who will step aside

I remember moments that have turned to memories...memories of lifetimes lived in seconds of joy and laughter celebrated with love and hope turning to tears from the echoes of voices long passed ...

Tomorrow matters cannot compared to my today or my yesterday ... moments that matter ... moments that shock and deceiving and ... a moment of last breath of tomorrow disappearing forever

Forgive you not for the back turned towards my shattered soul as its reached for comfort in the arms of truth ... when moments matter and another year lived is like a gift.

I now brought to light only by moments that matter ... split second decisions of a strangers "FaceBooking While Working" changes the whole thing ... but again at that moment it was in an uncertainty...my split second dicission change everything

Tears that stained my face. I close my eyes not for the light reappears and hope & pray the nightmare would not begins again...

By taking my hand my new love reassures me that I am still here and she will be mine forever...

By turning backs I wonder if I do exist in her hearts in her minds and reassures me she will be here and forever

I’m sorry and my apology but I still have this doubtful mind.
Give me time to trust and give I will give my full assurance because I love you and I want it to be forever

The nights awake me to listen to the same questions which I already know the answers to ...

Give me time to learn and accept the fact of life

My moments become memories of today’s past and tomorrows promise.

Moments matter when tomorrow disappears with the screeching of the silly Kap Cai Motorbikers and the noisy upstairs neighbor.

I wish and I hope and I pray that you hadn't discounted all of the things in life ...the old me, the babies cries ... our wedding bells ... my, you and our forgiveness ... and above all the lesson learned and the lessons yet to be learned ...

Finally I because I realize the moments matter and there is now doubt in my mind that I love her forever... each breath I take should become a memory ... a step towards tomorrow filled with memories (a good memories of us)....and I love you forever...I thank you FB on 25 September @ 11.53am